By Annette Richards
The pain and agony of trauma. “Help me” would echo through my thoughts. The constant hiding from others. Walls of safety sealed my lips in stone, entombing a secret I buried for over 47 years. Years after the abuse, I continued to play out the scenarios within my own mind.
I felt crazy; I thought I had a brain tumor. The shame I felt led to self-punishment, like cutting myself and banging my head against the wall. I went through years of counseling, however I was never able to share my secret. Would there ever be healing from my trauma? I chose to believe if I searched long enough I would discover the answer.
Hope played an essential role in my healing. Hoping I may heal one day lead me through a battlefield of suffering. I fought for survival, and hope held my hand through the process.
These are some of the ways to heal from trauma:
Stay closed or open up? If I wanted to progress, I would need to open up. How do I share my secret? My answer came in graphology (handwriting analysis). Little did I know that becoming a Certified Graphologist and changing my handwriting would give me the confidence and ability to connect and share my secret with another person. I learned that certain stroke marks in handwriting can change your life, for example, cursive writing indicates connection. I spent six intense weeks learning how to write cursive. This enabled me to connect my letters, and in turn, to connect with other people.
Share and bless others: Next I decided to self publish my memoir, ITALICS:Treachery To Triumph: Inescapable...from Brutality. Knowing others were going to read my story made me quiver to my core. The fear of being mocked concerning my secret made me shatter like glass. Hiding no longer was an option now. There the agony rest on the pages of my story, screaming thoughts of mockery, trumping the abuse I had endured long ago. No, no, no! I can’t be known at this deep of a level.
With sheer determination and hope, I fought the desire to hide and run away. Finally, my readers got back to me. To my astonishment they praised me for my courage, showering me with kindness and love, melting away the sting of being mocked.
Love yourself: I came to love myself through meditation and silence. Touching my inner-self brought me understanding of who I am. The beauties of life began to heal my deep wounds, showering me with calmness and value.
The search for healing came to me through hope, openness, writing, sharing, meditation, and loving myself.
You are divine – an absolute miracle. How do I know that? Because you have 30-40 trillion cells in your body, according to a story in medicalnewstoday.com. These cells play a unique role, giving you the gift of life.
Remember, in those dark moments when dealing with trauma, there is hope. Reach out to someone you can talk to. Sharing binds us together. Oftentimes our stories weave into threads of similarities of other people's stories, and we come to learn we aren't alone.